I have wasted my life on bad relationships, affairs, accepting emotionally unavailable men into my world and breaking up with the good ones because I need validation from other people (mostly men) to make me feel worthwhile/beautiful/wanted/excited/alive. He was a reflection of the self-destructiveness and negative feelings I have towards myself. I never had kids or married again but had several long term relationships and in every single one of them I cheated when someone I thought of as superior to me wanted into my pants/made me feel sexy and beautiful/told me what a great person I was.
I came to your website looking for answers and when I read your posts on narcissists and Daddy Issues my whole world blew up. I work in a male dominated industry and am pretty successful in it, financially independent and still physically attractive.
So every time I saw my Dad, he was just trying to make the most out of the day and as great as that was, it disallowed a certain realness and connectivity that would have been there if I was able to see him and live with him on a daily basis.
You could, like me, have a father that didn’t always express his emotions or you could have a father that you had to “work” to impress or notice you.
A few months ago, I was talking to my friend David Kessler, telling him that I couldn’t believe how a particular person in my life knew what buttons to push that would drive me over the edge. of relationship with your Father or a significant male figure from your childhood.
“How do they know how to get under my skin and push my buttons? “It’s not who pushes your buttons, it’s who programmed you.” A Light-Bulb-Moment-WHOA-“aha! Since it’s Father’s Day today, this whole week I’ve been thinking about my own daddy issues, how they’ve affected me, why they’ve haunted me for so long and really, why the hell I even had such deep daddy issues in the first place when I have a Dad that’s consistently been nothing short of amazing. This becomes an addictive pattern because it creates this feeling of comfort due to the familiarity but also creates a perpetual underlying feeling of dis-ease in your relationships.
I made everyone’s bad and hurtful behavior about me not being good enough and failed to let people own their behavior and decisions because I couldn’t own my own.
My consistent pattern of being involved with emotionally unavailable and narcissistic men came from patterns that were branded in my head and heart as a child.